I come from a middle class family in Patna, Bihar. My parents provided me with decent education, however, did not encourage extra-curricular activities much. While growing up, I would see many of my friends in school and neighborhood go to painting, dancing classes, reading books apart from those in school curriculum. Not that I didnt do these activities, but I didnt learn them systematically. Was happy at the same time that I dont have to go to more than one school during those days. Waking up unwillingly for one at the break of sunlight was enough 😝
I had to struggle through a number of patriarchal norms in the family which then were not known to me as 'patriarchal norms' . I saw all my cousin sisters cooking at home from an early age and also manage studies alongside. I never thought of equality then but at the same time, never conformed to those rules and had a strong stand against them for some strange reason. Many times, I have quietly battled and won without words the war of prioritizing my studies over household chores. While this perhaps helped me build my career, but as an adult I developed a sense of dislike for cooking as an activity because it always reminded me of imposition and gender inequality. So, now when I see so many of my colleagues and friends talking about baking and trying new recipes, I feel jealous in my subconcious for not having the inclination for it which I otherwise enjoy while in 'Have to cook' situations. Also, in present times, its fashionable to have a hobby of cooking and I regret missing out on being 'cool' 😃
I fail to catch-up with conversations about reading books in childhood because what I read was 'Diamond' comics emulating my elder brother; unlike the kids from the urban smart families. Though I read the commonly known ones such as Famous Five, Nancy Drew, Mills and Boons and the likes but when I hear my colleagues naming unheard names of authors of children books, I literally start blaming my parents for having not introduced me to them. Because, as a child I never read them and after becoming an adult, I dont have children so far that I get a reason to explore children books. To summarize, it feels excluded and very middle class to be unable to contribute to childhood readings discussions during office get-togethers. Here I miss another chance to network and become popular, ah 😉
Went through major ups and downs to be where I am today. The struggles were manifold. First, probably that of being intrinsically repelled by patriarchy in the family. Second, like many, dealing with the adolescence phase of life all by my own without much familial support (donot blame my family/parents for it, no one trained them and available exposure was limited). And then, at the age of 21, when I started rejoicing seeing my father opening up and welcoming my aspirations, he also left us devoiding me of the new found support. Throughout my journey till today as a girl from the so called 'backward' state of Bihar, my elder brother did significant things to make me strong and independent. While in my family, he was the obvious one against whom the gender pitting would happen but he never did things to perpetuate them. And that was a big strength.
In hindsight, I pat my back for having the grit, determination and courage to navigate through all odds of society without even consciously realizing them then.
As fate would have had it, I landed up in a Human Rights based organization. Here, I formally work to address many of the issues and norms which I struggled against in my own life as a girl child, adolescent and young woman and emerged a 'hero' for my self. But now, I see myself shaken and overwhelmed at several occasions while consciously fighting the exclusions rampant in numerous spheres of life. Be it personal or professional.
And, it is much more difficult to fight now, because these exclusions/inequalities are perpetuated by those who otherwise at the top of their voice shout against them working in the development sector.
A famous feminist ones said that High paying organizations in India are work places for 'Brahmins'. I live this feeling at my organization. Being brahmin here means powerful by virtue of coming from an influential family, networked or by virtue of knowing seduction and intimidation tactics (Machiavellian). When you are Brahmin you are a Brahmin- not man or woman, the gender based power boundaries are blurred. In these organizations, those who apparently work towards strengthening women oriented Government schemes, never miss a chance to exploit a vulnerability of a female colleague to rise high. Mind you, not only men but women also do it against other women as it is easy to walk over a person who might be technically sound but with limited Machiavellian skills because of the background one comes from. Instead of being supported, they are exploited. Ganging up with those women who could manipulate to exclude those who are honest and hardworking. But, no complaints because such is life and hypocrisy and politics of development sector is a hard-hitting reality.
I am happy to have understood the complicated & disguised web of development politics where personal is political. Where we fight a class battle to make a place for ourselves among the brahmins. This is the first step. One day, I will learn the knack to deal with it too. Till then, lets do our jobs 😉
I had to struggle through a number of patriarchal norms in the family which then were not known to me as 'patriarchal norms' . I saw all my cousin sisters cooking at home from an early age and also manage studies alongside. I never thought of equality then but at the same time, never conformed to those rules and had a strong stand against them for some strange reason. Many times, I have quietly battled and won without words the war of prioritizing my studies over household chores. While this perhaps helped me build my career, but as an adult I developed a sense of dislike for cooking as an activity because it always reminded me of imposition and gender inequality. So, now when I see so many of my colleagues and friends talking about baking and trying new recipes, I feel jealous in my subconcious for not having the inclination for it which I otherwise enjoy while in 'Have to cook' situations. Also, in present times, its fashionable to have a hobby of cooking and I regret missing out on being 'cool' 😃
I fail to catch-up with conversations about reading books in childhood because what I read was 'Diamond' comics emulating my elder brother; unlike the kids from the urban smart families. Though I read the commonly known ones such as Famous Five, Nancy Drew, Mills and Boons and the likes but when I hear my colleagues naming unheard names of authors of children books, I literally start blaming my parents for having not introduced me to them. Because, as a child I never read them and after becoming an adult, I dont have children so far that I get a reason to explore children books. To summarize, it feels excluded and very middle class to be unable to contribute to childhood readings discussions during office get-togethers. Here I miss another chance to network and become popular, ah 😉
Went through major ups and downs to be where I am today. The struggles were manifold. First, probably that of being intrinsically repelled by patriarchy in the family. Second, like many, dealing with the adolescence phase of life all by my own without much familial support (donot blame my family/parents for it, no one trained them and available exposure was limited). And then, at the age of 21, when I started rejoicing seeing my father opening up and welcoming my aspirations, he also left us devoiding me of the new found support. Throughout my journey till today as a girl from the so called 'backward' state of Bihar, my elder brother did significant things to make me strong and independent. While in my family, he was the obvious one against whom the gender pitting would happen but he never did things to perpetuate them. And that was a big strength.
In hindsight, I pat my back for having the grit, determination and courage to navigate through all odds of society without even consciously realizing them then.
As fate would have had it, I landed up in a Human Rights based organization. Here, I formally work to address many of the issues and norms which I struggled against in my own life as a girl child, adolescent and young woman and emerged a 'hero' for my self. But now, I see myself shaken and overwhelmed at several occasions while consciously fighting the exclusions rampant in numerous spheres of life. Be it personal or professional.
And, it is much more difficult to fight now, because these exclusions/inequalities are perpetuated by those who otherwise at the top of their voice shout against them working in the development sector.
A famous feminist ones said that High paying organizations in India are work places for 'Brahmins'. I live this feeling at my organization. Being brahmin here means powerful by virtue of coming from an influential family, networked or by virtue of knowing seduction and intimidation tactics (Machiavellian). When you are Brahmin you are a Brahmin- not man or woman, the gender based power boundaries are blurred. In these organizations, those who apparently work towards strengthening women oriented Government schemes, never miss a chance to exploit a vulnerability of a female colleague to rise high. Mind you, not only men but women also do it against other women as it is easy to walk over a person who might be technically sound but with limited Machiavellian skills because of the background one comes from. Instead of being supported, they are exploited. Ganging up with those women who could manipulate to exclude those who are honest and hardworking. But, no complaints because such is life and hypocrisy and politics of development sector is a hard-hitting reality.
I am happy to have understood the complicated & disguised web of development politics where personal is political. Where we fight a class battle to make a place for ourselves among the brahmins. This is the first step. One day, I will learn the knack to deal with it too. Till then, lets do our jobs 😉
